Awake
by Fenris
Summary: A short song fic based off of Awake by Godsmack that continues off the conversation between Alexander and Risika. Risika lets out a bit more emotion then she thought she had. Reviews are nice but this is my first song fic so be gentle.


Awake ****

Awake

"Wait another minute. Can't you see what this pain has fuckin' done to me."

Las Noches is now completely empty except for Alexander and me. I just wait for him to respond to my last statement.

"Rachel I have watched you from afar, you have never been like this why here why now, after all these years?" Alexander pressed. He still didn't understand but then again how could he. He didn't have to kill to survive he had a choice, I did not. How could he know the pain I knew, how it felt when so many souls screamed as I stole their life so continue my own unnatural one.

****

"I'm alive and still kickin'. What you see I can't see and maybe you'll think before you speak."

"Rachel one of the only reasons I've bothered to stay alive was for you." If he truly had then why did he wait all this time. It still confused even me. Was he just too afraid to see his sister was a monster or was it just denial at what he let me become because he couldn't protect me.

****

"I'm alive for you. I'm awake because of you. I've alive told you. I'm awake swallowing you."

"Alexander I have not been Rachel for a long time don't call me by that name. Three hundred years may now have changed you but it has changed me. I can't change the past I can only accept it. I am what I am I did not choose it. It chose me."

****

"Take another second turn your back on me… and make believe that you're always happy."

"Fine then Ra…Risika, fine. I could tell you the same thing. I once tried to believe there was still some of the old you left. That time hadn't killed the compassion and ability to love like you once had. Maybe I was wrong to come to you; maybe you are just a monster like all the others." That stung. I could still love and in my own way I still loved Alexander. Though was he right? Was I too jaded to allow myself to love another freely as he had loved me?

****

"It's safe to say you're never alive. A big part of you has died and by the way… I hope you're satisfied."

"Alexander I… If still means anything to you I still love you even if you think I am a heartless monster." It was true. I really did love him. So much that even after all this time I could not bare to lose him again. That it pained me so to hear him speak as if I felt nothing anymore. "I don't know how to tell you that so you'll believe that I really mean that." I felt my eyes begin to burn with tears. No I would not cry I would not. I didn't the first time I lost him and I refused to do so now.

****

"I'm alive for you. I'm awake because of you. I alive told you. I'm awake swallowing you."

"How can I know you're being sincere? Is this just another lie, one more illusion in a sea of deceptions?" He asked. Now my throat was tight on the verge of tears. I hardly trusted myself to speak so I could answer him. Obviously time had changed him too. He would have never been this cold to any one, ever, let alone his own sister. How could I only think of myself when has most certainly known the pain of loss over the centuries, like I have.

"Tearing it back unveiling me. Taking a step back so I can breathe."

Finally I can no longer hold back how I feel. I walk up to him and before he can react and pull away I hug him and just let everything that I had pent up out in a wash of emotion. "Please don't leave me again, I sob, don't go I'm not sure I could survive losing you again. You're my brother, I love you I always have and always will. All throughout eternity."

****

"Hear the silence about to break. Fear resistance when I'm awake."

He doesn't fight my embrace he just hugs me back comforting me. Strange I had expected him to struggle and not let me touch him but no he just returns it. He leans forward and whispers into my ear." I love you to." What had just been gentle crying turned to fully blown weeping.

"Thank you, I say my voice thick with tears, thank you more then you'll ever know." I just stand there letting him hold me. Right now I could care less if anyone saw me. I would not have cared if even Aubrey walked in. I needed to be held as much as I didn't like to admit it I wanted it needed it. I only wished this moment could last forever.

****

"I'm alive for you. I'm awake because of you. I'm alive told you. I'm awake swallowing you."

Okay this is my first song fic so be gentle but tell me what you think. Reviews are always a nice thing as long as someone doesn't get a bright idea and decide to flame me. You don't want to know what I do to flamers. Oh, I also don't own the characters used in this fic this belong to Amelia Atwater-Rhodes and the song Awake belongs to Godsmack. 

****


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